So I haven’t been on here in a while. I’m in the middle of finals right now and I feel like I can’t really breathe. I haven’t been able to feel like I can breathe for about two weeks now. But I suppose that’s what anxiety does. It’s weird because I’ve been having a really hard time lately with a lot of different things. A lot of the time I feel as though I don’t feel anything at all, and it’s hard to be happy when all you feel is dread and nothingness. But it doesn’t last all the time. I’ve had these feelings since about October or November but they’re on and off. Sometimes I question why I keep living, because I feel so helpless and terrible about myself all the time. I’m really scared of the future and I don’t know if anyone in my life really knows that. I don’t know if I’m doing what I love or how to find out if I am. And every time I think about my future being not so great the first thought in my mind is that I can just end everything so I can get away from the worry and nothingness and the shit show my life is bound to be. I don’t think its normal to come up with these thoughts. And this horribleness isn’t present all the time, but it’s there enough to where my mind drifts back there eventually. Doctors say that depression can be diagnosed after its found to be constant, so me experiencing these feelings every week and half/two weeks or so makes them constant? Or not? I’m confused, because I don’t know who to go to and I’m 20 and I should know these things but I don’t and I don’t know if I’m being overdramatic or not. But it would be nice to see if someone else might have a clue.